Quantum Compudynamics Today

by Anders Sandberg, Stockholm University

Abstract:Recently there have been great progress in the field of Quantum Compudynamics (QCD). The purpose of this paper is to detail some of the modern results in this vital area, especially the properties of the three mediating particles the Computron (C), the Bogon (B) and the Randon (R).

It has been known for a long time [1], [2] that there appears to exist particles transmitting computing power/information and errors/entropy. The first type of particle, which mediates transmission of information is called the Computron (C) and the second is called the Bogon (B). They are antiparticles, and exist in both charged and neutral versions (C^-1, C^0, C^1, B^-1, B^0, B^+1).

Beside these two types, there exist a third carrier of computational information, analogous to the Z^0 boson mediating the Weak Force. This particle, the Randon (R) is the mediator of randomness. It is also called a futon [1]. Its mass, charge, position and momentum are completely random, and follow (by definition) no laws at all. If they are observed, they will immediately change.

Beside their electrical charge, the Bogon and Computron can couple to matter and information in a complex way, still poorly understood. Matter becomes less entropic when computrons bind to it, and more entropic as the bogons bind to it. Humans behave mindlessly and machines make errors when bogons interact with them, while computrons facilitates logical thinking and smooth operation.

This is why the computrons were first identified in the computer industry and not in particle physics. Computers are highly efficient computron receivers, and absorb available computrons to perform calculations. Apparently this effect is due to complex interactions between the electrical fields and the physical components inside the computer, since a computer without power is unable to attract or even retain computrons. One theory have been advanced that the size and strength of the gradients of the electrical fields are crucial in this phenomenon; earlier computers used macroscopic components with slowly varying fields but didn't attract computrons as efficiently as modern computers containing very small components with locally very high gradients. Quantum effects on the microchips may also be important.

One problem in the computer industry is computron shortage. When many computers are used close to each other, they suck up all available computrons and start to malfunction [2]. When they are tested at the factory, there are generally enough computrons nearby. Another source of problems for computers are bogons. Since bogons annihilate computrons, they cause errors and bugs in running programs. Another way they interfere is by binding to electrons creating "fat electrons" [3], very heavy electrons which will destructively hit sharp corners on microchips.

When an object is heated, its molecules start to move more vigorously. When it melts, all information about their original position is lost. This is due to that the bound computrons either are radiated away or disintegrated due to the entropic bogons in the heat. This can especially be observed in computers, which start to loose information and efficiency when they become hotter (which is partially due to that the computing processes have bound all available computrons, turning the rest of the system more entropic). An object can be heated with bogon radiation, or cooled with computron radiation. This in turn implies that the computrons have negative energy, since they are able to remove the heat- energy. As we will see, this is an extremely important and counter- intuitive fact in the QCD theory. Randons naturally have an indeterminate energy and a random mass.

The negative computron mass has many interesting corollaries. The simplest result is that computrons and bogons annihilate each other without any release of energy. This is one of the reasons they were never detected in particle accelerators. Another reason was that the bogons disturbed the detectors so that no conclusive evidence could be found.

Over long ranges the dominant force acting on computrons and bogons is gravity. The computational force acts mainly on the mesoscale level (10^0 m), and the mean electric charge of the computrons and bogons is neutral. This leaves gravity to act on the relatively heavy bogons and the negatively heavy computrons. However, the negative computron mass leads to several odd results:

A force acting on a computron according to Newton's law (F=ma), will accelerate it in the *opposite* direction as would be expected. This means that a positive computron will accelerate towards positive charges and be repelled by negative charges. Thus charged computrons cluster together into heavy aggregates.

Gravity will however be directed in the opposite direction for computrons, since they have negative mass. Thus computrons will be gravitationally attracted by heavy masses just like any other particle. But the gravity of computrons will repel ordinary matter, making matter with many bound computrons lighter (Is this the real explanation for academics with "heads in the clouds"?).

Bogons and computrons naturally interact through the computational force. But due to the negative mass of the computrons, they are repelled by the bogons which are attracted. This leads to the formation of bogon-computron pairs, which accelerate away into space. In fact, it seems probable that the "chase effect" is more common than actual bogon-computron annihilation. It also explains how computrons and bogons of different charges interact; equal charges lead to slower acceleration, unequal charges speed up the acceleration. It has been theorised that pairs reaching extreme relativistic speeds undergo a disintegration into hard randon radiation, but this has not been observed.

Another result of the peculiar "chase effect" is that a volume containing computrons surrounded by bogons will experience a net pressure inwards, as the bogons press on from all sides. This is often balanced by electric charges, which decrease the pressure. Since such computron conglomerates attract each other, they tend to grow. At the same time they attract more bogons. It is not uncommon for this unstable equilibrium to catastrophically end, causing system crashes, hardware errors or physical destruction. This also releases huge numbers of randons. A well known example of this process is the burning of chips. When the bogon density outside becomes too large (the chip become too hot or is overloaded), the bound computrons erupt from it in the form of "blue smoke" (sometimes called "magic smoke" [9]) and the chip ceases to function. The smoke is probably a matter-computron plasma.

The pressure, combined with the negative mass of computrons lead to a strain on space-time. Normally this is counteracted by the rigidity of space, but at a critical level this causes macroscopic changes. This fits with the theory by T. Pratchett [4] that large collections of information (especially libraries or bookstores) cause a distortion of space-time according to the formula

Knowledge = Power = Energy = Mass

As can be easily seen, the strength of the computational field equals Knowledge. According to Pratchett, this distortion leads to the formation of what he calls L-space (Library Space), a multifractal space linking all sufficiently large collections of information. It can be theorised that Internet is a similar phenomenon (this also explains why the productivity of people sharply drops when linked to the Internet, it absorbs all excess computrons).

Computrons and bogons are apparently relatively stable, at least in their bound states (just like neutrons). It is currently believed that the bogon is completely stable ("stupidity is forever"), and that would by symmetry imply that the computron is also stable. The randon is naturally unstable, turning into other particles in a random way.

The role of randons in the theory is important. While the computrons and bogons transfer information and misinformation respectively (careful use of bogons can change the state of a particle, see [5]), randons transfer uncertainty. In fact, quantum uncertainty is transferred by virtual randons. When the momentum of a particle is measured (which radiates away randons linked to its momentum), virtual randons are absorbed, making its position uncertain (and vice versa).

Randons are often overlooked as carriers of the computational field, but fulfil an important, if random, role. A randon binding to a system can either increase or decrease its computational state (or do nothing, which is the usual case). This has given the randon the name "Inspiration" in certain models [6], since it can transfer large amounts of information (inspiration) and release them into the minds of receptive people. However, the case described in [6] is more probably a very computron receptive person. Randon receptive persons usually have equally many very stupid ideas as good.

What sources exist for computrons and bogons? This is largely unresolved. It is known that some people are strong emitters of bogons, especially executives, politicians and TV evangelists. While they apparently themselves are not inconvenienced by the flux around them, they greatly disturb sensitive processes, especially during demonstrations. The same is true for certain organisations, mainly large corporations or bureaucracies. It is not known how the bogons originate, although there are theories that imply that the bogonic fields cause randons to decay into bogons. There are also astronomical sources of computrons and bogons. Pulsars are quite obvious computron sources due to their extreme regularity (and their "glitches" are experimental verification of catastrophic breaches of the equilibrium between the bound computrons and surrounding bogons). Black holes are thought to be bogon sources, but there are very few experimental findings about them so far, just theoretical models (the Hawking effect implies that they absorb computrons, which decreases their mass and releases bogons).

How much observational verification is there for the existence of computrons, bogons and randons? The most common particle is the randon. Almost any experiment will detect random, unexpected results. These are usually filtered away as spurious, but they are a sure sign of the existence of massive amounts of randons. In fact, it is quite possible that the randon is the most common particle in the universe. This cannot, of course, be ascertained but would seem probable.

The easiest way to detect bogons is to use highly complex, slightly unstable systems like operating systems, advanced computers or sensitive detectors. As bogons are absorbed, the system starts to malfunction. This makes it easy to build a bogometer (although multiple redundancy is needed, since single bogometers often malfunction), and there is already an accepted unit for bogosity, the milliLenat [8]. More commonly one uses the unit milliLenat per square meter second to measure bogon flux.

Computrons are elusive, and easier to detect as fluctuations in the bogon fields. One effect is due to the Pauli Theorem: "The presence of a theoretical physicist makes sensitive equipment to break down". This experimentally determined effect is mainly due to that the powerful computron flux from the physicist attracts an equal bogon flux from the environment, making sensitive systems outside the radius of the physicist to be bombarded with high energy bogons. The proposed unit for computron field strength is the milliPauli. Although the Pauli Theorem implies a possible method to measure computron flux by surrounding the sample with bogometers at different distances, its highly impractical. Research is currently searching for more efficient ways to detect computrons. One promising method is to compare the weights of the sample with reference samples which presumably have less bound computrons, the latter would weigh more than the active units. However, this is rather error-prone, cumbersome in many cases and impractical in most cases (especially with people, unless identical twins can be found).

Beside the computrons, bogons and randons, many other particles have recently been proposed, like the clutron [1], the psytron [8], teratogenous molecules [10], the kingon and the republicon [4]. How these particles fit in is uncertain, although some (like the psytron) might be excited or resonance states of computrons or bogons.


[1] Jargon file, Bogon
[2] Jargon file, Computron
[3] Jargon file, Fat electrons
[4] Terry Pratchett, "Guards, Guards"
[5] Greg Bear, "Anvil of Stars"
[6] Terry Pratchett, "Men at Arms"
[7] Jargon file, Lenat
[8] Jargon file, psyton
[9] Jargon file, magic smoke
[10] Dr. de Selby, "Golden Hours" Vol. I p. 23.