From: Garret Smyth <100030.254@compuserve.com> Turkey Story SG Smyth 9.12.92 Once upon a time there was a farm, and on the farm were some turkeys. They lived in a great big barn. It was a warm and cosy barn, and the turkeys were looked after well. One day a young turkey, whose name was Tommy, was waddling about and making those odd noises that turkeys make that sound a bit like the juices of the stomach of a rather large animal rearranging themselves. He was fairly contented. He'd just stuffed himself with grain and felt like stretching his legs. He decided to go outside and waddle about a bit in the open air. There was a sort of enclosed run outside, which allowed the birds to mill about in the air and be safe from foxes and other predators which might infringe their liberties. Although far to small to allow all the turkeys out of the barn at once, it did allow the farmer to call his birds "Free range". In fact most did not go out at all for they felt far more secure in the barn. "Hello Tommy", said Tina, a friend of his who liked going out in the open air, "How are you today?" "Oh, fine thanks, Tina, and yourself?" "Well, pretty good all round, I must say." "Are you out here for a stroll, Tina?" Enquired Tommy. "Yes indeed" replied Tina. "Well fancy that, so am I! "Goodness me Tommy, so great minds think alike after all!" And they both made that vaguely impolite, sort of water-down-a-plughole noise. "I say, Tina, how would it be if you accompanied me on my walk?" "Well I don't mind if I do Tommy, don't mind if I do." So they both set off for the far fence. Usually, when they reached it there didn't seem a lot else to do but turn round and go back, but this time they lingered. "Tina" mused Tommy, in a far away sort of voice, "Do you ever wonder what's beyond the fence?" "Oh, Tommy, you dreamer." Tina smiled at Tommy (as much as is possible when you've only got a beak), "I mean, you may as well ask if there's life after Christmas." "No, really Tina, there must be something beyond the fence. Where does the farmer live?" "Well I'm sure there's an answer, but its beyond me. Perhaps Aunty Trish knows, she's been around a bit. Let's go in now." So the two young turkeys returned to their quarters and Tommy made a mental note to ask Trish about Beyond- The-Fence next time he met her. Inside the barn there was a commotion going on. Everyone was very amused. A group of turkeys was standing in one corner, looking sheepish (no mean feat since they'd never seen a sheep). An old turkey cackled, "Must've eaten some grain that had started to ferment." Another, who wasn't so amused, said, "Well, its disgusting if you ask me. The thought of it. It... well its... its just plain wrong. Shouldn't be allowed. Tommy waddled over as fast as his short fat feathery legs would carry him. "What's going on?" "Oh, said a bystander, "this silly lot have announced that the've formed an escape committee. It seems they think that they can escape from Christmas! Har har!" His laugh had a slightly hollow ring. "What a good idea", thought Tommy. He decided to wait until the hullabaloo died down, and then find out more. Later that day he mentioned his plan to Tina. "Oh, they're loopy, or trouble makers, or both. Don't have anything to do with them." "How do you know, Tina?" "Everyone says so" "Have you spoken to them?" "No, I've got better things to do with my time. It seems to me that they're just scared of Christmas." "Aren't you?" " ...no, of course not. Its part of life. Its quite natural." "You sound a bit afraid." "Well, naturally the process of reaching the state of Christmas worries me, I don't want it to be painful or messy, but Christmas itself holds no fear for me." "You mean you want to reach Christmas with dignity?" "Yes, exactly" "Well I don't bloody well want to reach it all" "Chicken" "Cluck bleedin' cluck" "I think you need some Christmas counselling" "Christmas what?" "Christmas counselling. I learnt about it on my consciousness raising course. We live in such a Christmas denying society that people need counselling to come to terms that they're going to have to face Christmas one day. In the old days, before centrally heated barns and so on, Christmas was part of daily life. Christmas came and the farmer would just walk amongst the turkeys, pick out the big fat juicy ones, grab them by the neck, and one by one twist their heads round until there was a snapping sound, and then pluck gut and truss the turkeys there and then." "Er..." Tommy whispered, "and that was good?" "Well at least we all knew what was happening, even the little ones, and we could come to terms with it. Much healthier. And of course the souls of the turkeys went to a far better place. If you believe in that sort of thing." Tommy was silent. "Listen," said Tina, "I could arrange for you to have a course of Christmas counselling, if you like. Aunty Trish does it." Tommy thought. He wanted to talk to Aunty Trish. "OK then, you arrange it and I'll go along. But that night, when all were asleep, he tracked down one of the turkeys everyone had been laughing at, and joined the escape committee.