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>Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the
>strength and robustness of the candy as a species.  To this end, I hold
>M&M duels.
>
>Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure,
>squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters.  That is
>the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately.  The winner gets to
>go another round.
>
>I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and
>the newer blue ones are genetically inferior.  I have hypothesized that
>the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of
>competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
>
>Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or
>pointier, or flatter than the rest.  Almost invariably this proves to be
>a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength.
>In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
>
>When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest
>of the herd.  Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack
>it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars,
>Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading,
>"Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
>
>This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free
>1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms.  I consider this "grant money."  I have set
>aside the weekend for a grand tournament.  From a field of hundreds, we
>will discover the True Champion.
>
>There can be only one.
>
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