From: kremer@cs.odu.edu (Lloyd Kremer)
Newsgroups: alt.sex.bondage.particle.physics
Subject: Relativistic Intercourse
Date: 15 Aug 91 20:19:30 GMT
Organization: Old Dominion University, Norfolk, VA
Nntp-Posting-Host: egbert.cs.odu.edu


Over the years much valuable work has been done researching the relative
merits of various penetration speeds during sexual intercourse, but to my
knowledge none of the researchers has ever pursued this line of reasoning
to its logical conclusion--what effects can be expected as the velocity of
the dick (Vd) approaches the speed of light?

In this velocity regime the classical Galilean reference frame transformation
becomes wholly inadequate, and a clear understanding requires an invocation
of relativistic kinematics.

In accordance with the Lorentz Transformation equations, two fundamental
effects would be anticipated: length contraction and time dilation.  In each
case the magnitude of the effect would be by a factor of gamma.

Although at first thought any reduction in length as observed from the bedroom
reference frame would seem deleterious, we must remember that the observed
dimensional contraction will occur only in the direction of motion, and that
a broad spectrum of research has established that circumference far outweighs
length as a determinant of pleasure as experienced by the woman.

Besides, it's reasonable to imagine that any reduction in stimulation owing to
length contraction would be more than offset by a gain in that most elusive
property of intercourse, time dilation.  At each stroke, the time of arrival
of the dick at maximum and minimum penetration will be delayed beyond that
calculated classically, providing the extended duration of stimulation
universally sought by sexual partners.

In conclusion, it appears that the benefits of relativistic intercourse may
outweigh the shortcummings, and that the confirmational experiments should
proceed as soon as funding becomes available.

					Lloyd Kremer
					kremer@cs.odu.edu